midget gems.

i really like midget gems from marks and spencers. havent had em in awhile, though.

thats... really besides the point. the title midget gems is used here in reference to these little gems of humour that i found on bash.org.


enjoy.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

t-wolf: man, my girlfriend left me for some faggot named robert

rdawg20: you don't live in Hope mills do you?

t-wolf: ya, why man?

rdawg20: lol, just wondering, was her name alisson?

t-wolf: you mother fucker.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

cthon98: hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars
cthon98: ********* see!

azurediamond: hunter2
azurediamond: doesnt look like stars to me

cthon98: *******
cthon98: thats what I see

azurediamond: oh, really?

cthon98: Absolutely.

azurediamond: you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2
azurediamond: haha, does that look funny to you?

cthon98: lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as *******

azurediamond: thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that

cthon98: yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to
us as *******

azurediamond: awesome!
azurediamond: wait, how do you know my pw?

cthon98: er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2
cause its your pw.

azurediamond: oh. ok.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

[BAC]DraxonTWL: "The animals will hear!" bellowed the ear licking penguin as the
awesomely endowed midget sucked her oozing charlies and plugged
his purple middle leg into her festering cunt.

[BAC]DraxonTWL: oops

[BAC]DraxonTWL: wrong window

dsystem: what the FUCK

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

-[Conroy_Bumpus]- OH FUCK ME
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- I FORGOT TO PICK UP MY 7 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER FROM
SOCCER PRACTICE
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- 9 HOURS AGO
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- HOLY SHIT
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- BYE

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

JonJonB: Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in
the first Harry Potter Book
JonJonB: Let's see the results...
JonJonB: "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
JonJonB: "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the
truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

- - -

JonJonB: A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

- - -

JonJonB: "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question.
JonJonB: "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself,
buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow.
Nice wang for charm work."
JonJonB: "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches."

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?

BritneySpears14: Aight.

bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.

BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.

bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.

BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.

bloodninja: Me too baby.

BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.

bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.

BritneySpears14: Hey...

bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 chicken of the Infinite.

BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.

bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.

BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.

bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.

BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.

bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?

- - -

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?

eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.

BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.

eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.

BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.

BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.

eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.

BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.

eminemBNJA: Oh ****

BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.

eminemBNJA: Oh ****

eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your name or something

- - - - - - - - - - - - -
technically, this doesnt count as a post, so there really shouldnt be any music raves today.

but i did promise i would do something about yesterday. so music-wise, here is my contribution.

"in hinduism, they believe that being alive is hell, and the only way to each nirvana is to ultimately have no attachments to anything," frontman buddy nielsen says. "so people go out and live in the middle of the woods and they don't eat and don't drink. they just meditate because they've reached such a high level where they're not attached to love, relationships or anything. and if you want to reach the highest level of being and see god, you have to have all your senses fail"

featured band: senses fail
key listens: buried a lie, martini kiss & bite to break skin