I just had this MSN conversation with a friend who was rather disgruntled by the actions of her boyfriend. My general understanding of the situation was that, in summary, he lied to her that he was studying and having supper thereafter when he was actually livin' la vida loca down at Ministry; she found out, she took him to task for it, everyone ends up getting extremely pissed and emotional.
Now, it isn't in my nature to sit in front of the laptop and pretend to be sympathetic - that just ain't me. Sure, I listen when people have gripes about stuff, but I try to maintain an objective stance on situations; basically, I often drop counterarguments when I ought to be sitting quiet and consoling the distressed soul on the other end of the conversation.
So it was that I went about harping on how many boyfriends avoid telling their girlfriends they club because its kinda a dual-bind situation whereby 1. you tell you die, or 2. you don't tell, she find out, you also die... But at least got chance she won't find out, see? I know it's not exactly the best thing to say to someone who's distressed, but I can't help being me, alright? As far as i'm concerned, reason is the only true sovereign in life - everything can and ought to be reasoned out.
Anyway, at some point of time the spotlight shifted abruptly to the issue of this not being the first time she'd caught him - heavy emphasis being laid upon "NOT first time ah! NOT FIRST TIME" My response to this was to again apply the laws of common sense by pointing out that ALL relationships will face deception and lies at some point of time, because nobody's perfect (and more importantly, ALL women lie - but I didn't say that, of course). I even ladled on a teeny bit of humor/sarcasm by replying that she'd better not tell me its the SECOND time (because I thought that'd be kinda over-the-top to profile someone as a compulsive liar on the basis of 2 misdeeds).
Hrmph. Its a case of either my common sense malfunctioning, or girls not having any common sense to begin with, because my cheap attempt at sarcasm ironically turned out to be true.
This reminds me of that book title - Why Men Lie and Why Women Cry, or something. So most guys I know have lied to their partners to go clubbing before - so what? If as a girlfriend you lose your cool everytime your boy heads down to a club for some fun, what dya really expect? You honestly expect him to willingly put himself through the girlfriend shredder everytime he wants to visit Zouk? Face it - everyone lies at some point or another, so what makes your partner somehow more immune to such phenomena?
Ultimately the question is about mutual trust, innit? And seeing as to how trust seems a scarce (and highly idealistic) commodity in most relationships, methinks that this once again reinforces my choice to stay single as a pretty damned good one.
Girls are emo-freaks, guys are all selfish bastards, and i'm happy to straddle the fence and watch the firefight, thank you very much.
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Your entries never fail to put more things into perspective, something which I thoroughly enjoy.
And despite being a girl, I cannot help but agree with you at times that females are emo-freaks, to the extent that we lose rationality often. I guess it's always a double standard thing, like how girls would want to enjoy themselves by clubbing but not allowing their bfs to do the same, as to the fact that how guys would love their gfs to be virgins but they would still go around bedding girls.
Yet, ultimately, it still boils down to mutual trust like you say. If the girl trusts the guy not to stray while clubbing, and the guy promises to keep to himself while enjoying the eye candies and craps/fun of his fellow male species, I believe there won't be this issue of lying to the gf in the first place. Unless the gf is alright with the idea of her bf clubbing in the first place of course, which I heard is rare.
Lovely entry. I'm joining the singles club for the benefit of the males out there cos I'm a self confessed extreme female emo-freak.
And.. it doesn't have to be clubbing mind you. Without trust, ANYTHING to do with your guy hanging out with a female can evoke such reactions.
Oh sigh. Relationships aren't really necessary, innit?
Or rather, trust in a relationship is VERY necessary, innit?
Relationships only serve to contribute to the disorder of the universe.
Good choice there.
Buy some popcorn and see the drama unfold man. Girls are not emo freaks. Soom-pah.
Isn't trust fun? I ought to write more on it, since i've plenty of ammunition lying around. Soom-pah.
2 interesting points worth commenting on though, one of which is the male act of promising not to fool around. I guess the idea of promising anything just doesn't appeal to me; promises are like atomic bombs with a touchpad trigger, buried under the carpet of your front door - just too fucking unsafe man. Imho a relevant cliche of trust would be that it has to be earned - through action, not words; a personal opinion of trust is that it's intrinsic - when a couple get together, there has to be an innate level of trust there already or it's just gonna go to pieces eventually. This I perceive to be based somewhat on maturity, and of course is quite debatable... but I write alot of biased and arguable things anyway. Feel free to counter.
Secondly is that relationships contribute to the disorder of the universe. Ha ha! That's blatantly incorrect, but it's a nicely bitter viewpoint and I like it all the same.
(Study too much = writing is the trying-to-look-cheem kind. Sorry.)
Why can't everyone just follow the rule learned when we were kids. Don't do what you don't want your other half to do to you. Very simple right. Very very simple lah. You all should just shoot yourselves. That's why i say relationships contribute to the disorder of the universe. Utterly bitter viewpoint. Blatantly incorrect. But it has proven true, as with me and all around me. Haa.
Even happily married couples are rare. And marriage is the future of most relationships, no?
DANG. Case closed. All you attached people, remember the times when you were single and carefree and happy? No quarrels, no worrying about infidelity.
Disclaimer: the above excerpt is bitterly biased and very subjective.
Well done!
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Heh... I won't disagree with you about trust coming from actions instead of just words, because that's just common sense, and it's the basic building unit in any relationship. But there is a fine line between trust and being too trusting, for it may lead to the party being taken for granted or taken advantage of. Hmm... Am I making sense?
Trust is when your girl doesn't mind you chatting up other girls when you go clubbing without her and when you don't mind her chatting up guys when she goes clubbing without you. Yes, you may all pick up your jaws from the floor and start envying me.
one phrase: lack of trust in the relationship.
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