its yet another somewhat quiet evening and im floating on the gentle waves of a valium-induced lightness of being.
there's been a question on a rather personal basis that i've been pondering for a pretty long time. it goes something like this - "When will we know when we've gotten over someone?"
nothing happened which made me wanna suddenly dig this up from my dusty archives. its honestly something that's been prevalent it my pre-bedtime thoughts for rather long.
i've had friends who've told me that i still havent gotten over my past relationship; notably, there hasn't been a single one telling me that i have. up til now i still have good friends insinuating that i'm (for want of a better way of phrasing this) one of the few boyfriends they know who ever toughed it out til the bitter end, crashing and burning as as a true romantic or martyr would. from their tone of speech, i gather thats some form of accomplishment - even though in hindsight i truly wish i had the maturity and the spine to extricate myself from the wreckage before i suffered any farther.
i was digging around the room for some material which i felt a sudden compulsion to locate, and in the process i had to sift through boxes containing large stack of letters, gifts and the like - all from the ex girlfriend. naturally, unidentifiable feelings ran rounds in my head, and i struggled to force memories of the past, forcibly caged and bound away, from the forefronts of my thought.
and despite several online conversations with my college friend mari (and many denials of still being affected by events occurring almost a year back), there and then as i sat sifting through the second box of miscellaneous junk and mish mash of soft toys... i was forced to acknowledge that in truth, i'm still stuck somewhere between the present and the past.
i still havent gotten over my ex girlfriend, and i cant seem to comprehend why this is so hard. because of my total devotion and complete surrender to a person i foolishly entrusted my feelings to? because of the manner of the breakup? ... because i was naive?
i don't know, i really don't. but as i sat there reeling from the combined effects of a drug-induced semi-conscious state and a sudden flood of repressed emotion, i couldnt help but feel... lost.
how does one pick him/herself up after a failed relationship? i've heard of some who just plunge straight into the next one; my ex would make a good case for such phenomena. i consider it, and completely fail to understand how this would make the situation any better; simply put, i could never imagine myself doing something like that; it just wouldnt be fair to little miss rebound, and myself too for that matter.
what else is there to do? carry on with our lives pretending nothing happened, all the while harbouring a tsunami of emotion checked only by the dams and floodgates we erect to prevent others from realising what we've been going through? even then, how long must one stem the tides frustration, loneliness and... loss?
its 2 months away from being a year; somehow i dont think i've moved on that much. i just don't know how. and sometimes as i lay down to sleep and languish in my little grey world of uncertainty, i wonder if the emptiness in my being makes me a lesser person that who i really am.
"When will we know when we've gotten over someone?"
is there ever an answer?
5 comments:
i guess what the PurpleLady said above is somewhat true, but i must insist that a soft spot is definitely different from not moving on at all and being stuck in the emotionally-ravaged past of yesteryear.
ynoe you've "gotten over someone", so to speak (without delving into the schematics), when you can think of that person without feeling that he/she's different from any of your other friends. (or if you dislike your ex then he/she's not any different from any other acquaintance of yours)
you know you're over that person when they don't matter to you any longer like a loved one would. or you can talk or bump into them without feeling a heart-twinge. or you suddenly realise that "hey, i've stopped thinking about this person for frickin ages, consciously or subconsciously, and when the person DOES happen to pop into mind i don't feel guilty/sad/remorseful/mournful/
angry/bitter/what-have-you."
then you'll know that you've moved on, and you can be glad that you did.
but in the meanwhile, be relieved to know that time DOES heal most, if not all, wounds. the relationship was long and emotionally-draining so healing will take quite a while. (it's like comparing recovering from the flu to leukemia, ynoe man?) have lots of bed-rest and consume lots of fluids. (alcohol is good)
your choice to not-rebound is a wise one, dear sir. take care, i shall see you soon, deah bruthah.
yes it is. who else is going? gogogo storm the front!
i think that special someone can never be replaced or gotten over..
he/she will always be that special one...there might be more in the future...but it'll nv be the same...
the memories shared..the places been together...the special moments...
sometimes i wish he has nv met her... but.. i cnt.. =x
that's a sad take. the last line seems so horribly true sometimes.
Maybe, just maybe, you should stop being so bitter about the whole thing and start getting over it with the starting thought that, "your ex only stayed in the relationship that long because you made her do it." Now, that would probably put you back to somewhere around 8 months before the actual break up and should make you realise that you were the one fucking yourself up (refer to exhibit:"thought") by grasping at shadows for an even longer duration than previously assumed. Now, you get over it. kbye.
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