slowdanceon the inside

the music echoed the vibrance of the night with its throbbing beat, yet despite having been there several times before, he felt an inexplicable sense of unease.

tonight felt... different.

his friends thronged towards the direction of the bar, oblivious to the look of contemplation he bore. scanning their faces he was drawn, in particular, to only one.

they had been seeing each other for a fortnight, under the pretext of being good friends; there were the times whereby he felt as if he'd known her all his life... and then there were the times when he wondered if he'd ever understand her at all.

this was one such moment.

she waltzed through the familiar faces as a bumblebee would, from flower to flower, always leaving a smile or sharing a laugh. he looked upon the radiance that seemed to emanate from her face, her eyes, her very presence... he knew it to be false and a mere facade, constructed to camouflage the demons she fought with within; even then, he marvelled at her ability to maintain her composure. she spun, still smiling from her last comment made, and looked him in the eye; he realised he'd been staring.

he looked away.

drinks were bought and several suggestions thrown around as to the acquisition of a general place to sit. he suggested the tables and couches in the corner, and as an impromptu vote was cast, he risked a glance in her direction once more.

she was no longer smiling, and this time bore a curious expression on her beautiful face, gaze still directed at him.

feigning ignorance, he strode over to the couch and promptly plonked himself down, indifferent to the decision made by the others. he lay back awhile, eyes closed and in silent reverie. the bassbeat of the music drummed dully in his mind as he quietly contemplated the events past and leading up till tonight.

when he opened his eyes, she was walking over. he glanced around and realised that the rest had elected to stay by the bar, content with their continuous cycle of drinking, ordering more drinks and drinking yet some more. she sat down beside him, and he was conscious of the warmth of her body on his side. her look of puzzlement was exquisitely delicate, and communicated the words before she even spoke them out loud.

"l, are you all right?"

"yeah, i'm fine. don't worry about me, you just go ahead and have a good time."

she arched her brow as though to question the honesty of his statement, and he took the chance to gaze full into her wonderful face. irreparably lost, he found himself incapable of response as she picked herself up from the couch and returned to the bar.

once again, he closed his eyes and silently asked himself, 'how did it come to this?'

alone, he sipped his drink and let his thoughts drift. time passed; as to whether it was in the seconds, minutes or hours, he could not tell. so hopelessly adrift was he in his sea of confusion and self-doubt, he did not sense her return until she stood above beside him.

"look, l, are you sure you're okay?"

"yeah, its cool. like i said, i'm fine."

"i don't think so. what're you doing here sitting all by yourself?"

she reclaimed her former seat at his side, and this time cast an expectant look at him. he felt the words 'i'm fine' roll to a stop at the tip of his tongue as he returned her gaze. he noted the flush of alcohol suffused in her cheeks, and the wavering of her self even as she sat cushioned by the backrest.

"did you drink alot, j?"

"no. don't worry about me, i'm fine."

she grinned as she mirrored his response, and he noticed the slight slur at the end of the sentence. he smiled, as a father who knows his child is lying but chooses to stay silent, would.

any semblance of self-confidence however, vanished the moment she leaned forward, placing her face barely inches from his. he panicked; he could feel the warmth of her breath, could taste her scent in the air as she leaned against his supine form. he breathed in deeply, intoxicated and wanting more, yet desperately fighting to stay in control and away.

"you sure you're not lonely?" she said, and in that moment, he knew that he could resist her no longer.

"i... " he stammered, but gave up on speech as her face drew even nearer.

she paused at the very last moment, as though in hesitation. he swore he felt a small sigh escape her lips, and he wondered briefly if there were still a way of avoiding this... situation.

then her lips closed on his, and he found himself drowning in the sea of her touch. minute explosions fired their way through all his senses, and he found himself loving the feeling.

he wanted more and he took it, and the darkness took him in return.