the one ring.

im really, really tired.

i slept 10 hours in the past 2 days, in comparison with my clearing-off days whereby i would clock a 10 hour mileage easily in one night. this cannot bode well for my good looks. i may need botox jabs soon.......... no la - just kidding! botox my arse man..... hey. come to think of it, i really could use a firmer butt as well. its been ages since i last ran, and i feel seriously unfit from all the social smoking ive done.

i got my ring back from sara earlier this evening (wont bother linking, she aint gonna update her blog anyways), after the fiasco that was yesterday's pubbing outing. i ended up standing outside shaw towers at 2am completely sober, absolutely reeking of stale smoke and minus my ring (shupz made off with it sometime over the course of the evening) which i always wear on my left forefinger. which i quite like, by the way.

i dont really know why i still wear a memento of a past relationship. sentimental value? i used to be pretty sentimental over such things, but right now it gets tiring even bothering to think about what stuff like this used to represent. have you ever been in a relationship where you can honestly say that you've really given your all and more, just to try and make things work? i have, and after the house of cards collapsed it feels as though my entire range of heartstrings snapped and now i cant feel a damn thing. which isnt necessarily a bad thing. i quite think of it as a good thing, really.

sorry, im wandering. anyway i really like the ring we got, it meant quite a fair bit to me. cost quite a fair bit too; it wasnt one of those cheap-ass Bits & Pieces or Perlini Silver rings. we got this one from Lee Hwa; simple yet pretty unique imho. we'd been around to all the other places and this one was one i'd yet to see. it was close to half of my ns allowance at the time, but hey - ive never been one to lose sleep over funding. except when i got broke, of course. heh.

of course, it was sad the day we broke up, cuz... hmmm. didja read Who Moved My Cheese by spencer johnson? fear of reality inhibited my ability to see where things were headed (if you think im being lame and trying to relate my life to some random story, a similar example is actually mentioned towards the end of the book; i read it while lazing around in camp today), so when we met and i saw that band of white where her's used to be, i guess you could say i got pretty sad. not upset or angry, mind you. just... sad.

eh. i think i'll quit while im ahead. before this degenerates into some silly session on how lousy things were, how i suffered etc etc. not my cup of tea. when im not so tired i shall rage about what a bitch my ex was. hahaha. anyway... thanks sara for hanging on to my ring for me. owe you one.

the ring i wear doesnt serve to remind me about the mistakes i made or about the times we had or some nonsensical bs like that. the actual reason i wear my ring is because im pretty sure its actually one of the elven trio of rings forged by the great elven smith celebrimbor, of which sauron was unable to lay hands upon and thus were untainted by his evil. This is due to the fact that every night the ring whispers to me about its name being n-something-something (there's only 2 that start off with the letter 'n' so its either narya or nenya). But due to the lack of sleep and thus shallowness of my dream depth, i am unable to perceive exactly what the fuck it is trying to say. perhaps its giving me the toto numbers for tomorrow, or telling me where the winning big sweep ticket can be purchased. i might even be wrong about this being one of the elven rings - i could be bearing the one ring and becoming like smeagol with each passing day. oh dear.

gollum has never looked better.

i am however really too goddam tired to decipher what my godly silver band is trying to tell me. shutup, ring! you, fuck you preciouss!! lemme sleep in some peace, can??

or maybe.. what its really saying is...

"n-n-n... nabeh la lionel! waste so much money on such a lousy girl!!"

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music wise, the name dashboard confessional actually comes from one of chris carrabba's songs, 'the sharp hint of new tears'. the line "on the way home, this car hears my confessions" made the phrase dashboard confessional pop into his head.

featured band: dashboard confessional
key listens: the places you have come to fear the most & remember to breathe. plenty more good ones, im sure you can source em out yourself.