dumb reminders

Listening to NUFAN's Dumb Reminders first thing in the morning inevitably results in an angsty post. Here're some thoughts i had on the breakup cliche:

Some of them're personal experiences, some've them were inspired by the experiences of friends, and the rest of em you've probably heard floating somewhere around anyway. Who knows, you might even be able to think of more, and we welcome your angst-ridden contributions like we'd love a plate of steamed maggots for breakfast - Jeez, get rid of that excess baggage already.

Without further ado, let's roll. And please bear in mind that this isn't directed solely at the female gender; after all, guys can be bitches too.

I know i'm one! Heh.


"I loved you before but now you've changed."

Don't be stupid. Who DOESN'T change?

If you're wondering why your (in)significant other (ISO) quit being as sweet as he was in the beginning months, it's probably because he's either a.) gotten what he wanted after all that money spent on chocolates, flowers and other ridiculously expensive gifts, or b.) hasn't gotten anywhere after blowing his wallet content.

Anyway, everyone knows that the ever-cliched honeymoon period only lasts so long. I've always thought relationships to be determined by the fights and not the good times.

Actually, I still do. IMHO this observation is so damned clear that only mentally challenged stupids can drop em... but I suppose it IS sorta true. In a idiotic, ridiculously obvious sorta way, of course.

LJ* RATING:




"I know no-one will ever love me more than you do."

Eh, hello - Then why'd you give it up?

It's painfully obvious that this = a damn dumb thing to say. Perhaps it's calculated to soften the blow to the victim.

Why 'victim'? Simple: I'm inclined to think of anyone who hitches up with an ISO choosing to dump her stocks in a blaze of self-pity and tangled emotions DESPITE knowing that she's probably reaping her highest share price in ages as a victim. Wouldn't you?

I think it's a fucked up thing to say during/after a break up, in that doesn't help at all. Trust me on this - I've been there. You'd just sit there, suck it up and go back wondering "Wtf statement was that man?"

LJ* RATING:




"There're better girls for you out there."

Duh.

Just agree and move on man. It's a chance to regain lost pride, so just fuckin' take it.

And maybe drop in a few venom-barbed insults while you're at it. Hey - If it's all shot to hell, then I say why not. Right?

LJ* RATING




"I like him... but he just doesn't match up to you."

Let's go over the scenario here. Boy and Girl break up. Girl finds Rebound Boy-clone. Girl goes out with Rebound Boy-clone. Boy is sad (or he could be remarkably pissed. I'm much more inclined towards this reaction, really). Girl suddenly confesses to Boy that what she really needs is a good tight slap in the face she still likes him, and that clones are inefficient in bed... Or something to that effect.

Heavily weighted to exploit old feelings to maximum effect, this effectively remains as one of the most dangerous things to mention after the end of a relationship. Deeply reliant on heavy-handed hints towards the ghosts of old feelings, especially if there're still smouldering remnants leftover. As such, I feel the express need to warn all readers against falling for such tricks: no-one deserves a partner who acts like a she-bitch/man-slut who goes romping straight after the breakup and STILL expects to be welcomed back.

Just tell them to fuck the hell off man.
"Ni3 Ma1 De4 Ni3! Ni3 Bu4 Shi4 Ren2! Zhen1 Shi4 FARRKS!!"

LJ* RATING




"I love you, but I think but we're better off as friends."

I'm sorry but I don't subscribe to the friendship-after theory. It just doesn't work for me.

This's another rather knnb thing to say. It's like saying

Proposition 1: I like eating Rice Krispies
Proposition 2: Rice Krispies are kinda like sand in the mouth
Conclusion: I like eating sand

Makes no sense? THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M GETTING AT. They're two completely disparate theories about relationships.

Champion stupid thing to say: completely innocuous in meaning, yet tends to make it all bloody confusing.

LJ* RATING




"I miss what we had." / "I miss you."

Imagine this: It's late, and you're asleep. The phone rings. You pick it up. There's silence on the receiver, and you groggily ask who it is. A quiet voice speaks.

Yeah, you get the picture. That's what I had in mind.

Harmless if you don't give a fuck, rabidly dangerous beyond words if you do. It's the emotional equivalent of a neutron bomb plunged straight into your brain, designed to rip every semblance of rational thought to shreds and leave you following your heart like a bitch in heat.

"Danger, Will Robinson!" -Unnamed robot from Lost in Space.

LJ* RATING:




Wearing objects which still possess sentimental value e.g. miscellaneous rings, necklaces and the like

Usually pretty harmless IMHO. Screams out to everyone that the wearer can be an extremely sentimental fucker. Occasionally takes an alarming turn for the worse when wearer goes postal, declaring said accessories as proof of undying love. Sometimes accompanied by slit wrists (remember to cut along the veins, ladies! No cross cuts!), which basically solves the problem once and for all, doesn't it?

Or it might be an indication that the wearer values stuff that looks good and/or retains functionality, and doesn't care much in the way of silly affairs like love. No sense letting something go to waste just because of a prissy bitch, right? Right. And I second that.

Or did I first it? Oh, bother.

LJ* RATING:



P.S. - If you haven't already realised, LJ = Lan Jiao. And if you don't know what THAT is, find the nearest coffeeshop uncle. Time for lunch, people! Have a great (and angst-free) day ahead!