bgr needs a bfg up its fuckin' arse

Couple o' weeks ago, I wrote about what I thought were a bunch of ridiculous cliches regarding relationships and breaking up. Perhaps over the course of this entry we'll go through some decidedly more relevant ones tonight.

I know of several friends who're currently struggling with deviant relationships and emotional spasms of varying sorts, and somehow there seems to be a common trend i've noticed - Everyone finds it incredibly hard to Just. Let. Go.

Now, I certainly can't claim to be the expert in this field. I mean, I've received flak for going on and on about The Ex in previous entries, and quite honestly I have to admit that it's only of late that i've begun crossing THAT hurdle.

In other words, i'm just as much a culprit of the faults I pinpoint as the people who are... guilty of them? And in that way, I write this not as a judge or a neutral observer, but as one who has likewise fallen short and only recently begun getting up, straightening crumpled clothes, dusting the sand off my knees - all that jazz.

With plenty of support from friends, of course.

I've told the story about the breakup with The Ex to anyone willing to listen: i've told it to the ones who were there to tough it out with me when it happened, told it to mutual friends of the Ex and I who asked out of genuine concern, and told it to newfound friends who were just curious about Lionel's past. I don't feel much when I go through the details. It's all just simple fact to me: I state what I thought she felt and what I felt, go over the timeline of the breakup, and conclude by heaving a humoungous sigh, shrugging my shoulders and accepting the inevitable pat on the back.

And let's not forget the complimentary comment on Deserving someone better, shall we?

It's only recently that someone (i'll name her S for the duration of this post, since I feel the desire to avoid specifics this morning) pointed out this entire process of storytelling did absolute jack for the entire let-go process, since all i'd done thus far was replay events continuously in my head (and/or heart). You see, a couple weeks back I received word that The Ex had returned from Les Overseas Varsity and had been spotted at Zouk, current boyfriend in tow. This in turn had an unexpectedly profound effect on me (no, really - I honestly thought I'd be above the repercussions, it being a year ago and all), and I arrived back home at 5 in the morning with an alarmingly heavy heart.

Well, it so happened that S just happened to be online (what weird sleeping hours she has), and so I did what any other emotionally unstable heartpained fool would do: I told her everything I felt was burdening me. That's what friends're for, aren't they? Sharing crosses up Golgotha? Anyway, I played the cards differently this time round - I skipped the usual storyline layout in favour of a complete confession of the inner conflicts i'd been experiencing ever since the entire debacle ended.

In short, I gave what was pretty much the first HONEST account of my feelings regarding the entire breakup and subsequent handling of life thereafter.

Which proved to be a wise decision, in that S gave me a piece of equally honest and rather straightforward advice; it's not something i'll be forgetting anytime soon, that's for sure. While her words stretch on over several lines of msn conversation (I certainly can't recall everything), there's one line which was particularly striking to me, in that it was so glaringly obvious but yet i'd somehow neglected it. And this was despite its absolute centrality to my entire quest of leaving the past behind.

What she said goes something like this: You need to make a stand and stick with it no matter what the fuck happens.

The light bulb flashed, blindingly painful in all its glory. And I said to myself: "Goddammit but you know what? I do think she's got it quite completely right!"

So yeah. One line that really solves a hell lotta problems: Make a stand, and stick by it - no matter what the fuck happens, you stick with it. Y'hear? Wanna forget a guy but you just can't seem to get him outta your head? Delete all traces of him, and remain steadfast in your decision no matter what the fuck happens. Indecisive girl plays around with your heart, and you just can't seem to let her go despite it all? Cut contact, move on and don't look back - no matter what the fuck happens.

In short, be decisive in relationships (or pursuit thereof)... OR you could kinda sum it up as When Necessary, Terminate With Extreme Prejudice & Zero Remorse. It does have a nice sorta ring to it, dontcha think?

Oh. And as a secondary note, be thankful for friends who proffer concise advice: it's what you really need during periods of emotional confusion. S, I suppose I do owe you for that one - Thanks a bunch.