NRWSIABAEWLYTB

I was having dinner over at the arts canteen yesterday evening, and I lit my last cigarette after abandoning the remnants of my noodles. So there I was, sitting in the completely empty Hell section finishing up my last fag; staring at the burning end, I was struck by one of my contemplative spasms...

... Which leads me to yet another one of my Reasons posts. I hereby present to you: 9 Reasons Why Smoking Isn't As Bad As Everyone Would Like You To Believe).

The acronym for this post shall thus be NRWSIABAEWLYTB. However, this is a completely irrelevant point - it's actually a really shitty acronym. I pondered long and hard, but ultimately failed to come up with a better sounding one like WTFBBQ or STFUNOOB, so I guess we're left with no other alternative.

(p.s. - for non-NUS students, Hell is the designated non-official smoking area of the canteen, replete with pillars plastered with event posters and non-smoking reminders; it's also these pillars which obstruct the camera from seeing those who smoke, so it's kinda ironic)

Alrighty. Without further ado... Ikuze, Heimen Lion-Chan! *

9.) Smoking Gives You Lung Cancer! OMFG!

A rather controversial point to kick it all off. According to the good doctor Donovan,



... Yep, that's him right there. Anyway, as I was saying... According to the good doctor, medical studies have actually proven that given 3 days of non-smoking activity, your lungs are actually able to clear out whatsoever toxins your last fag dumped in. So logically speaking, you can smoke like a chimney, abstain from the Marlboros for three days, and emerge from the ordeal with nary a spoilt lung. Now, why doesn't the government spread the good word? The bastards.

Isn't this great? When friends nag at you about smoking and cancer, you can now promptly flip them the finger. Of course, I really should point out that Don is a year 2 med student who's struggling with his exams right now; I guess your belief of the above is then pretty much dependent on your nature as a pessimist or optimist.

(And also how much you'd rate the fella in the picture above as a doctor, I suppose.)

8.) Smoking Makes You Unfit... GODDAMMIT

Another sterling pearl of wisdom from the good doctor (to be). Apparently the connectors in our muscles run on nicotine receptors, which means that by smoking you actually stimulate these damned things into faster responses. Wow! This is like, so great! For all army people, this finally explains why those god-damned smokers run so freaking fast and get IPPT gold timings despite camping at the yellow boxes after lunchtime every single day.

This one should be true la; Don can't be wrong ALL the time (although he largely is). Anyway, if you're a smoker and you're unfit... well, blame YOURSELF for sitting your ass down on the couch 24/7. Loser.

7.) Smoking Stains Your Teeth! HOLY SHIT!

Well, okay so it does. But then again, if you'd bothered to brush your teeth regularly, this wouldn't be a problem, wunnit? I still have pretty white teeth, you know. Or you could like, laser-brighten them or something. Or use those magic trays that Sly Sim endorses - I wouldn't trust anything endorsed by him, though. Degenerate rock-punk wannabe ah bengs... eww. Now THAT'S what'll kill you.

6.) Smoking is Addictive - OH FUCK!

It really isn't. Unless you're weak-willed. And if you ever find yourself slipping into the quicksand, just think of the skyrocketing prices - my dad quit 30 years of Dunhill Reds after they started charging him 11 bucks a pack. It's living proof, people.

5.) 2nd Hand Smoke Sucks, Like, SO BAD!

I can understand why some people bitch about clouds of unwanted grey being thrust into their faces by some dumb mat. Alright so that's being slightly racist, but hey - it happens. Anyway, while there exists a valid argument that secondhand smoke is just plain bad, think of it this way: how many times have you walked by a passing car today? Carbon Monoxide is a far deadlier agent than nicotine; it bonds with haemoglobin and just won't. let. go.

Now, count the number of times someone has blown smoke into your face today. What the fuck were you bitching about, hmm?

4.) Smoking is UBER Uncool!

Define cool.

If your idea of cool involves a healthy lifestyle, celibacy before marriage, absence of drink, hard work from dawn to dusk, blah blah etc etc... Well, let's just say that you're reading the wrong blog. You know what you need? Xiaxue, that's what.

Same language, different meaning. Nuf' said.

3.) Nobody Likes Smokers - They're Social Loners. HAHAHA

Boo-fuckin'-hoo. IMHO, Smoking is one of the greatest social mediums of interaction ever devised: Smokers are generally cool people to hang around with, and conversation is usually quite enjoyable. However, you sure as hell can't say the same for non-smokers, can you? Point made.

Girls who smoke (or who, at least, don't discriminate against it) are generally more fun to hang out with too. It signifies an open mind, and I do so hate judgemental people.

2.) Smoking is Fucking Expensive, Asshole

Indeed, Singaporean cigarettes are fucking expensive. Note however, the selective use of 'Singaporean', as opposed to just cigarettes in general.

That's all that needs to be said. I'm not implying anything, y'hear.

1.) Chicks Ought To Play Dota

... Because I say so. And Dota rocks. I mean, there's a new version out, y'know? It's a really good time to start trying.

I know this's got absolutely nothing to do with smoking. Except for maybe taking a smoke break while waiting for the game to start.

Yeah - Dota rocks. And I hope that I've enlightened you somewhat to the perceived ills of smoking... and if you ever wanna try one, you can always bum one off me. I'm not saying that you should, though - I'm just implying that you never know if you might like it, and there's plenty in life that you ought to try at least once.

And remember folks - friends don't let friends quit, because nobody likes a quitter. That's some wisdom everyone ought to know by heart.

*Heimen Lion-Chan: Flat-faced Little Lion


edit: Here's a haiku i thought up 5 minutes ago while having a smoke:

A cigarette lit
Smoke spirals in the night air
with each breath, i die

C'mon man, smoking is how emo; throwback to the ethos of the Samurai classic the Hagakure, whereby "the way of the warrior is found in death". That's another.. uhh.. good reason to smoke, i suppose. Sorta. Ok makes no sense.