You awaken up with memories of the dreams last night burnt clearly in your mind. You lay esconced in your blankets, reliving the memories you sought long ago to forget. The morning air is chilly.
If letting go really were an art, then surely you're a failed artist.
Your brows are furrowed as you lean against the bartop; the drinks you sip seem tasteless. The air is cloying with the sickly sweet stench of smoke, and sound blurs into a single, monotonous drone. Around you people laugh, smile and make merry; within, you lie dead to the world. And the world couldn't care less.
Laugh, and She laughs with you. Cry, and you cry alone.
The past is invasive. She refuses to relinquish you the sanctity of your happiness, and hangs like a dead weight around your neck. When will that weight ever be cut free, I ask you; Maybe never, is your reply. Despondently you raise the cigarette to your lips, and inhale choking death down your throat. You wonder why you choose to live this way - in constant company yet always alone.
I wonder aloud if God might be of service; You curtly reject my suggestions with barbs of sarcasm, and skepticism born from a conscience long abandoned. Your appearance bespeaks a lack of emotion, but the creases around your eyes belie a sorrow even you find inexplicable.
You ponder if letting go should be an art; perhaps calling it a struggle or a war might be somewhat more apt. I nod silent agreement and offer you another stick, but you refuse - your lungs, you proclaim, feel terribly constricted as they are.
Or is it your heart? I can't be sure.
You question the reasons you ever came here in the first place - was it boredom? A whim, maybe? I nod agreement as you mull over the dregs of your glass.
'I should go home.'
'Perhaps you should.'
You shove your hands into your pockets as you shuffle towards the line of taxis, and i notice the usual bounce in your step has disappeared. I call out to you if you're alright; without turning, you glance back:
'Yeah. I'm fine. I always am, aren't I?'
I can't be sure. Sometimes, I just wish you really knew what you put me through.
28 comments:
Troubles troubling you, eh? They say we love trouble, that's what makes life more less dull. But not everyone thinks so, and not everything can go away unscathed. Hope you'll feel better soon, and find your pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. =)
firers watch your front
ready put to safe
target never looked so far away
I am going through something like this right now.But I'm on the other side of the story...sigh
smile and the world will smile back with you. ;)
ok wait,I'm confused here...who's trying to get who back? You or her? I'm stupid sorry lol
i'm delighted to hear that you're confused. i mean, i don't like writing stuff like this straight up & neat, y'know?
but simply put, no-one's getting no-one back.
hi yang!
Ay, cheer up man. at least you got me! the old procrastinating piece of shit... wat the heck happened to our outing?
Is that a story about two people or a story about a person and something else? I can't really be sure.
Also, I only knew Yorick through the game Castlevania:SotN. He's the skeleton guy kicking his head around. Was he decapitated(sp) or something?
aits.
it's just 2 different characters speaking in wongcheok's mind. like the devil and angel.
woon: you're the organiser. go figure.
sb: haha oh yeah man. i quite forgot about that.
yang: haha. no comments.
You blame and attribute this to everything around you but yourself. People leave many encouraging comments here, but maybe it's time that you yourself stepped up and stopped providing excuses to keep portraying this whole brooding, helpless, self-depreciating victimized image. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and haul your own spineless ass out of this rut you so willingly got bogged down into. Its pretty straightforward.
well, that makes no sense. i certainly can't write about a bright sunny day unless i obviously feel it.
i think it's an idiotic concept to write for encouragement. i don't practise it; rather, i write what i feel like writing.
you know what? i think you're a fucking retard. firstly, you're writing under an anonymous handle, which basically entails that you're the spineless one. secondly, i have the liberty to write any fuck-thing i damn well wanna (short of seditious comments, which i obviously am not dumb enough to post here anymore), since it's my blog and my way of interaction with my friends.
my-oh-my, that's alot of 'my's right there. well here's a couple more: my opinion is that if you don't like what you read, take your opinions n shove 'em and get the fuck outta my blog.
spine spine spine... SPINE your fucking HEAD la. fucking toot.
Haha...I wonder who that person was....???
Wow, I'm pretty sure I struck a nerve right there and then! I'm sorry but the joy of spineless anonymity is just one of the many hard-ons that comes with the internet. Another one would be how I can go around reading the PUBLIC blog posts of certain individuals and then having the freedom to post comments. I think I'll continue doing that and saying what I please, while you can continue to blog and vent about it like the faithful modern-day Anne Frank you are. Then again, maybe you could stop denying it or possibly come up with a better retort to my comments other than the literal, technical fact that i called you 'spineless' under an anonymous tag.
lol that's quite funny - you didn't strike a nerve, you fool; its just that i felt this sudden urge to label you a fucktard. it's kinda ironic that as i typed my reply i grinningly expected a response like this.
humour yourself all you want. it's not as if i need to prove myself - anyone who reads this probably thinks you're one too, anyhow.
a fucking retard, that is. do yourself a favour and stay anonymous, i'm sure it'd keep you outta trouble loads... outta sight would be great, too: the world might just be a brighter, sunnier place then. hurrah!
hi bryan!
Boohoo cwy more please, guess you just can't fight logic with repetitive name calling and abuse around here! Ah well I've given my point of view, doesn't matter if its respected or not, no need to prove myself either, pssht. Take care and may you one day master the "art of letting go" LAWL (get it???). You have such an adorable blogging circle of pariahs going on here, keep it up. GRin gringringirngrin.
p.s. I'll be sure to work hard at stay anonymous out of utter and complete fear of you one day uncovering my identity, Mr E-Thug. hahahaha.
Seacrest Out.
well since anonymous has the right to freely comment on people's blogs, then everyone has a right to comment on his comments.
my comment : anonymous is a fucking pain in the ass.
for one thing i think lionel had a pretty sound arguement going against your "accusations", one of which would be writing what he feels rather than being hypocritical (such as calling people "spineless" under the guise of anonymity) by writing stuff which very much akin to a weather forecaster saying the weather is gonna be sunny as hell every day
i agree, anything posted on the internet is open to criticism, but if you don't fuckin know what you're talking abt then don't start preaching your rights about being able to blog surf, read and insult as you please because you have jus as much dignity as a faggot going to a male toilet and jerking off at every cubicle he peeps at. (with no offense to gays)
flamers are such retards aren't they.
really? what was the poster about?
you know whats really amusing, when you rebutt flamers, they start using alot of "hahahaha" and "LOL" and "gringringrin" among other cheesy witty liners to act as if it doesn't bother them but actually they're seething at being called a retard heh.
eh ur blog quite happening ah
haha apparently so, although i'd rather not have people whose ideas of expressive language equate to 'gringringirngrin' visiting my blog, i suppose it can't be helped. maybe a stray popped over from the retardpatrol blog, something like that.
we should all feed the poor cats who starve at hawker centres - do a good deed, everyone.
I feel so misunderstood. Guys, those witty comments were done in childish retaliation to wongcheok's "lol" and "grinningly expected", you get it now you silly kid? As you can see my posts had to gradually get dumbed down to the associated level of "witty" comebacks and self appreciating laughter. Alright this will be my last comment here before the rest of your e-gang swarms in for the e-beating! You guys win at the internet ok? Before I go though, Jame, god you're fugly. Wongcheok, your sad story will always touch my heart, please continue to update us on your bouts of self pity and depression yeah?, hope you have sweet dreams too. Night.
Oh, and Fugly - im a troll, not a flamer kthx.
Seacrest Out.
eh, like wongcheok said, this is his blog eh.. so it's none of your business wat he writes.
and so what if he has "an adorable blogging circle of pariahs" huh? the big idea is that you are OUT of it even if there's one.. wanna argue oso must know where u stand la huh.. out of nowhere come talk so much..
speaking abt OUT.. wtf is with your "Seacrest Out"?? freaking out of point can.. anonymous already bad enough still wanna take other people's lines..tsk..
(and like wat Jame said) whether it is Wongcheok or some other blogger, wat's wrong with writing about depression or even self-pity if they want to? whoever came up with a law that said people have to blog about happy cheery things only huh?
anyway, i definitely enjoyed reading the entry.. :)
ooh n i tink u did serve a small purpose here la..by being something to laugh about lor..cracks me up la, all this nonsense..haha..
school is stressful ya see, if only writing essays were this fun..u're in the right place at the right time actually la.. let people scold.. shiok.. ;)
lol your essay writing times are really damn terok man.
seacrest... *sniggers* ... out....
WongCheok rocks and that's a fact.
Hey Mr Wong I recommend you a song,its called #?@!Yourself by Steve Vai...You'll be laughing your tears out to this one...Its him telling people off lol...
Did i see someone mentioned "the art of letting go"?
Ahhh good ol' bi-polar trolls who can't seem to make up their minds whether they love you or hate you but stalk you..or your blog anyway.
Anon, i'm the one who writes for encouragement ok? L writes for expression... Keep your annoying little smart-alecky attitude and self-righteousness to yourself k?
Oh and lovely entry, L. Keep them coming man! <3
hey lionel. seems like a germ of a pest has come knocking on your blog-doors eyy. just ignore. since anonymous can't be bothered to put his/her name down, we should be too bothered with his/her existance or inexistance yeah. and maybe we could put this down in the dictionary too - anonynomous is now synonymous with..cowardice?! aha. and you can go do the e-lang noun/verb shit figuring out la lionel. haha.
hey man. i like this entry, nicely written.. and flamers, ugh. they're the scum of the internet! they don't care what we think so why should we care what they think?
thats funny. i thought i'd replied, but it doesn't seem to have come out. oh well.
mel: because i'm friendly, understanding, caring and kind?
hah!
to all friends who've shown support above: thanks yep. don't worry, i really wasn't like seriously cheesed off or anything - while i do enjoy a good bout of occasional stupidity, i'm not so retarded as to be permanently stupid, so there.
besides, i've got better things to do. like writing the next entry! woot!
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