my house is full of fish.
mr dad, an unemployed soul of several years now, became an avid collector of fish during the craze for luohan a couple years back. yes folks, there was a craze for luohan; it might not have appeared on the radar of non-aquatically inclined people, but it existed and developed back in (i'd say) around 2003.
i know it existed, because suddenly every uncle in the family suddenly threw aside their ploughshares and took up their claymores in championing the 'progenerate-many-pretty-looking-but-really-fucking-useless-household-fish' cause.
as i type this, not ten steps from the computer reside two fairly large fishtanks, complete with heavy duty air filters and a half dozen discus fish. also, as of 2-3 months back i've been coming home late from work and noticing my dad glued to the com clicking on pictures of assorted discus fishies. i take this to mean that luohan are now the 'in' thing no longer; apparently, he's been bitten by the discus bug!
(p.s dont be deceived by my above statement. there are actually six fish tanks in my 15th floor apartment. and they arent tiny ones, either.)
oh wow. i suppose he had it coming, you know; its not hard for me to remember the warped stench of a dead luohan as it floats belly up. ewwww... anyway, i havent seen any of the discus die yet, so it appears that his efforts with the discus are somewhat more successful.
of course, there's still a couple stalwart luohans still surviving the era of death and destruction/hazardous experimental food. let me tell you, these soldiers are fucking hardcore man. to illustrate my point, there's even one that floats around in the tank upside down. i'm fuckin serious! when i first noticed it i was like "PA... there's another one dea-", and then i saw it flip itself right back up when i tapped the glass. and it swims upside down too! every damned day, mon.
like, whoa he be trippin' on some serious acid man.
it might be what my dad feeds em. apparently his fine blend of bull brain and fish food works wonders for their growth. thats some sick shit, friends - imagine how i felt one day when i opened the freezer one day and fished out a decent looking tub of raspberry ripple ice cream, only to open it and find it full to the brim with what looked like mashed veal? yuck man, fucking sick. and he even goes so far as to craft it himself, slicing n dicing n mixing it up til its just perfect in both size and delectability. talk about cultured food man - the luohan either wolfed it down or starved to death in rebellion.
oh yeah, discus. right. yep, tank maintenance is now a daily affair for my dad. in fact, his day consists largely of two parts - cleaning the tanks and gazing at the discus. note that he gazes at the luohan no longer - perhaps they have FAILED HIM (cue darth vader intro music) in his great everlasting quest for various methods of 4D number acquisition.
yes, its true. my dad stares at the fish everyday because apparently they possess the innate magical ability to generate divine lucky numbers on their scales. still don't geddit? that is to say that these fish, unlike other household pets such as dogs, cats, hamsters or other what-have-you nonsense pets (for example, your ever friendly trouser snake), actually possess the ability to make their loving owners rich! i dont know how scientists in the past thousand years or so failed to discover this amazing trait sia.
you think i'm kidding? man... you should've been there the day my mom came over and said to me 'eh lionel, pa's discus fish got numbers on its side leyyy!'
and i was like, "wtf?"
so i went over to take a look, and hey -it was true! there really were fucking numbers man! i could see the '2' pretty clearly lehhhhh!
the other digit was fairly ambiguous; could've been an '8' or a '6'. oh well, what the fuck man. i crafted a decent look of amazement and feigned interest for all of thirty seconds before returning to my game of dota, leaving my mom and dad gaping in amazement at the secret garden of wonder that is my resident fish tank.
the second generation of wongs is really wonky in the intel department man. thank god i've got my mom to mix up the genes abit.
2 comments:
my-fucking-god, and you think your dad's the one one crazy about discus.
i have like 2 2 metre tanks in the house complete with 4 Ehiem pumps and another 2 tanks in the toilet rearing discuses all with UPS. they eat frozen BEEF every single fuckin day.
i have been bearing with this shit for nearly 5 years.
the result: water bill reaches fucking $450.
WAHAHAHAHA i feel your indignance emanating from the screen. and i understand it, too. lol.
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