a monologue on the bat

in my opinion, the bat is the best hero ever created.

many superheroes have acquired a new lease of life and popularity via the transition from book to film. yet despite having 3 movies under his belt, the true allure of the dark knight has largely been ignored. for this, i lay the blame square on movie director joel shumacher.

for casting that bumbling oaf of a governor arnold schwarzennegger as mr freeze, complete with an inverted fishbowl for a helmet...





for giving the batsuit (horror of horrors) nippres. and who the fuck wants to see a close up of the bat's bum as he zips on his damn suit? damn stupid, can? like, 'ooh its val kilmer's/george clooney's bum! oooh!!' ... freaking shit. anyway, there's more...



this ass still got chance la


for making batman nothing more than a glorified gadget freak (who probably reads a plentiful dose of the digital life cutout of The Stray Times)...





and worst of all, for trying to warp batman into some sort of mainstream goody-two-shoes hero (like a certain character as acted out by tom wellings)...





a pox on you, joel!

i hope you die unhappy, poor and unloved. because seriously man, you fucking deserve it.

- - -

the detective.

the dark knight.

the caped crusader.

the bat.

batman.

he is the ultimate anti hero, people. and thats the truth. if you've been basing your views on the dark knight all this while from the crappy first 3 films made, you really deserve to be dipped a-la chocolate buffet style... straight into a steaming hot pile of human shit.

hands up, anyone who's read any of the bat's graphic novels?

if you havent already, you can still go down to borders and pop by the comics section; there's a few copies here and there unwrapped (i should know, i read em all there while waiting for dinner with my ex) and placed for your browsing pleasure. i used to go there with a pack of mark's and spencer's midget gems in hand, hippily compile an entire stack of 4-5 graphic novels and polish em all off in one shot. damn shiok man, fucking shiok. free somemore!

if you havent read any, then you really dont know anything about the beauty of the character that is batman. simply put, he's someone stuck in a position he doesnt wanna be in, and yet he acknowledges that he's the one for it. he's quite lan-lan, really... like SAF regular liddat. moreover, he ta pai got all these kiddie sidekicks who never really seem to grow up and he always has to go save their arses from dysfunctional people with weird hairdos, such as the joker.





actually, there's a few books about robin getting killed (yeah!). but they werent unwrapped and i couldnt tear open the packaging with such a large crowd around me, so we'll leave that for another time ya.

look, i know what i'm saying probably doesnt do the bat any justice. how bout i post up an example of how interesting the plots can get. check this man: the bat, versus... dracula.

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"In the first volume of the Batman vampire trilogy, Dracula, the lord of the undead, descends upon Gotham and the Dark Knight Detective must stop the unholy vampire before he turns his city into a haven of darkness. But as the legendary creature of the night preys on the homeless and transforms them into a horrific undead army, Batman learns that all of his powers of deduction and reason are meaningless in this war. In a final calculated act of heroism, the Dark Knight must form an alliance with a renegade band of vampires and sacrifice his own humanity in hopes of stopping this Gothic nightmare from becoming a gruesome reality."




The second part in the vampiric trilogy, this book begins where BATMAN: RED RAIN ended. Batman has destroyed Dracula but at the price of his own humanity. Now the famed protector of Gotham is a vampire himself and must battle his own bloodlust as he attempts to be the savior of the innocent. But as his isolation and affliction drive the Dark Knight to the brink of insanity, the Joker takes over the remnants of Dracula's undead legions and begins to ravage the city. Struggling with his newly acquired dark nature and desire to kill, Batman must choose between the preservation of his own soul and the survival of Gotham.




Following the events of BATMAN: BLOODSTORM, Batman falls deeper into the gothic abyss of his new vampiric nature. No longer able to sate his bloodlust, the Dark Knight transforms into a horrific monster determined to administer his own rough justice to the criminals of Gotham. Acting without guilt or conscience, Batman unleashes horrific and savage attacks on some of his oldest foes, including Two-Face, Poison Ivy, Killer Croc, and the Riddler. The final tragic chapter in the Batman/Dracula trilogy, this book chronicles a hero's final descent to the deepest pits of darkness and evil.

- - -

wah. looks damn steam right? jeez man. wonder where i can find this one in singapore.

like i said, the plot themes are really damn interesting. its always bleak scenarios, because batman was always supposed to be an antihero sorta guy. there's another one where gotham was cut off from the rest of the states due to a disastrous earthquake which released all the inhabitants of arkham asylum. these buggers (the ones with the deficient genes and bad hairdos) then wreaked havoc on the wreckage of gotham, forming turf gangs and turning gotham into a massive free for all gang war.

i read the first two chapters and i fucking loved it man; you dont find this sorta good material in other comics like spidey or supes.

well... occasionally la, because i do have the issue where superman dies (yes, he does! i betcha didnt know that), but its not nearly as dark anyway.

lets hope batman begins lives up to what the dark knight is really all about. the poster looks sweet, i must admit.




- - - - - - - - - - - - -

as a parting shot, how's this for interesting?

batman also can get hooked on drugs one k!




BATMAN: VENOM illustrates that although Batman is a great hero, he's also a human being underneath his costume. When Batman fails to save the life of a young kidnapped girl because of his own physical limitations, he turns to a performance-enhancing drug to increase his strength and stamina. But when the highly addictive super-steroid strips the Dark Knight of his control and morality, he must find a way to free himself from its influence. Struggling with his addiction, Batman must make a choice between using the drug again or facing his own probable demise.


see kids? if batman can quit drugs, so can you!

be a hero... today!